Not feeling it...

So, in my return to "training" since Cd'A, I just assumed that three weeks off would be sufficient. NOT! My goodness. This is my second week of running, some cycling and one swim. I feel like I'm moving through cement, my heart rate is either super low or high....you name it. I don't want to be ungrateful or minimize my IM experience...but I feel like crap. Anyways, I'm not sure what to do about it and I'm not sure if I should even maintain the goals I've set. It just seems like maybe I need a break of more than 3 weeks.

It's weird how you can be completely on top of your game...feeling strong and fast and then just... blah. I don't get it, but I suspect my body is trying to tell me something. I will do my best to listen...or not. Maybe I'll just push through. I'll let you know.

Life is going well. Summer is moving along...some days it seems at molasses pace. Many days, we hunker down during the heat of the day and come out at night. Even the puppy sleeps all day and resumes his silly antics in the evening when the edge is off. Kids return to school in three weeks. I am REALLY trying not to fantasize too much...but the thought of having the time to myself gets me all giddy inside. I don't want to wish the days away, but I do.

Bitter and Sweet

Today is a day I have been dreading, but knowing it would come sooner than later. Our wonderful dog, Maddy, needs to be put to sleep. Her decline has been steady up until now, it is clear. She has been a steadfast, patient presence in our lives since before having children, 11 years ago. She is a blessing, a running partner, a supporter, a tolerator, for all of these years. I am so grateful to have had her in my life and will miss her large body and spirit as she heads to Doggy Heaven. I pray for the ability for my kids to grieve and for Eric and I to be an example in this. Remember that movie from awhile ago? The one with Sally Field and Michael J. Fox who are the voices to the two dogs and cat traversing the countryside looking for their owners? Well, the Golden Retriever voice is the voice I've given to Maddy in female form. I imagine she talks to me in her head in the voice of Maya Angelou...a calm, authoritative tone that offers insight and protection. We have been through pregnancies, births, sleepless nights, babies, toddlers, sassy tweens, snowstorms, thunderstorms, heat waves, new businesses, graduations, new homes, new and old neighbors, 5 marathons, many triathlons, and Ironman. There is nothing like a beloved pet to mark the passing of time and major life events. I know she has loved unconditionally. She has been my partner in life and I haven't always been the nicest of housemates. There is nothing like a beloved pet to mark the passing of time and major life events. I know she has loved unconditionally. I will miss you Maddy-girl.



On the sweet side, we acquired a new puppy just Tuesday. He is a love and a bundle of sweet, exuberant energy. I know this will make the transition easier for all of us. His name is Theo, he's a Portuguese Water Dog and 4 months old. I am so grateful for him and believe he will bring us to the next stages of life: all kids in school full-time, middle school and high school years, graduations, drivers' licenses, and a whole host of other things I cannot imagine. We are blessed and grateful for this little guy.

A heavy week, for sure. It will be a day of sadness, remembrance, gratitude and laughter...the whole gamut.

New Goals

I have to say that I have felt rather free these past three weeks. I have not done one lick of organized exercise, aside from painting. Our raft trip was wonderful, but as far as exercise goes? Well, let's just say, my bottom has been well used. We had a fantastic time, just one scary part, some rain, lots of sun, some frustration and lots of laughs. I love what Ironman has taught me. I know that when I hit a low point, a high point is right around the bend...thankfully. That way, I can wait in expectation and not be fearful.

So, onto the topic at hand. I have officially set new goals, although I'm not official enough to have signed up for them...yet. My plan is to do the Rattlesnake Olympic Distance Tri in August; maybe another sprint one in there somewhere...but my big goal is the Denver Marathon on October 17. I really want to qualify for Boston again, to run this Spring.

My favorite author (and unmet friend), Kristin Armstrong, is releasing her new book at Boston. She has challenged her blog readers to do their best to get there. So, I'm taking on the challenge. I have no idea what my running fitness is post-Ironman....but I figure with some intentional speedwork and diligence, I have a shot. Plus, I gotta say...marathon training sounds awesome right now, so simple, all I need is shoes. Amazing the change in perspective.

Feeling

Now that I'm nearly two weeks out from my Ironman, I want to return and let you all know what's going on in my mind and body. It has been a smooth recovery...nothing notable to report, other than incredible soreness after painting one day. What? Wasn't expecting it, but clearly my body is dealing with more than I'm willing to give it credit for. Actually, that's not true. I am incredibly grateful for what my body has done for me in recent weeks and months.

So, in my attempt to make good on some promises...I have painted two out of three of my kids' rooms. I've been telling them for 9 months that I would get to it, now I finally am and they are so grateful. Blue for Claire, green for Andrew, and grey for Brooks (next week).

Painting for two days straight has given me lots of time and opportunity to think about the Ironman and consider what is next. It's an interesting thing, processing something so huge. Here you have a year (since sign up) of wondering, worrying, processing, training, eating, learning, growing, transforming...then it's over, done, finished. I know it is a jumping off point, but still, it's difficult. I was warned and I knew it would happen, but it is still important to feel and process what is moving through my mind. I'm not attaching much value to my feelings, I just want to roll with them and discern the ones that need more time and attention. This is new for me. I used to put so much stock into my feelings and worry about my reactions. I now know it's normal, natural and part of the process.

I have also had to grieve some. Returning from Idaho has been like coming home from camp. I so wanted to come home, but part of my heart has stayed on Hayden Lake...the location, the experience, the time with my family. A little piece of me is still there and will stay. It was a miraculous time, filled with laughter, good conversation, time together, and an Ironman. What a gift. I know I will never re-create this...not that I won't set goals, maybe even do another, but there's nothing like the first. I am so grateful to the people who told me to smile and enjoy for it will go too fast. At mile 20 of the marathon, or 60 of the ride I didn't think that....but I do now.

So, what to do with these feelings? How do I move forward? Well, I still have two days before I will make race plans...I am requiring two weeks of myself. I do have some ideas, however, that will be revealed at a later date. Also, I did my IM early in the summer so I wouldn't have to be racing/training while the kids are home...so, again, sticking to my promises...I will begin by going on a raft trip. We are taking off this afternoon for 4 nights (3 on the river). I think it will be fun, but I know there will be moments where I will wish for my own bed and fridge. Oh well. One thing Ironman has given me is perspective. Sleeping three nights on the ground in God's beautiful country is certainly no biggie! I am looking forward to uninterrupted time with my kids and husband, floating on the river, hearing their banter, sleeping under the stars.

I feel so blessed. I feel powerful, alive and optimistic. I feel hopeful, peaceful and joyful. I feel excited, adventurous, and a little bit scared. I feel grateful. I feel loved. I feel cherished. I feel alive!

Ironman Coeur d'Alene 2010 Race Report: Post Race

After the finish, I was held onto by a volunteer, asked questions as to where I was, took a couple pictures, went to the finish area for a few bites of pizza and Sprite. My stomach was on edge, so I was very tenuous about putting a lot in. I sat down, stretched some, nibbled.

Once I felt stable, we walked about a half mile to the car. I was slow, but I think it was good for me.

We made it back to the house, I showered...got in my new PJs that my lovely sister sent, knowing I would need some "recovery" clothes after my body was broken. Trevor made delicious hamburgers, which I was able to get down. I went to bed and slept somewhat fitfully because of soreness.

I barely walked on Monday, wasn't very hungry. I am so grateful we didn't fly out that day. We didn't need to leave until Thursday.

Since the water was 83 steps from the house, I had to be very intentional about trips up and down the steps. Honestly, though, I've been much more sore after marathons than this.

I sat on the boat, didn't do much, laid on the couch, took a short nap...all in all a perfect "post race" day.

My dad is a pastor, so we had arranged for my older two children to be baptized in the Lake. We had a lovely homemade service with one brother on the guitar, the other on the flute while we sang "Amazing Grace" together on the dock. My dad said a few words, we prayed. It was wonderful and perfect in every way! There is not much better in the world, as a parent, to see your kids starting off right. We shed a few tears and had some laughs.

The boys and AC left on Tuesday. I was so sad to see them go, but they all have lives and needed to get back. The rest of us toured Riverfront Park, and my parents and I drove around Spokane to see the places we used to frequent when we lived there (I was 6-12). It's funny the things I remembered. Much of the city was unchanged. We walked through the church and the neighborhood...saw my elementary school and where we shopped and played. Lots of fun memories.

We visited friends in Priest River on Wednesday, drove around Northern Idaho, taking in the beauty. Left for home on Thursday. Said goodbye to the house, the cove, the community. It was rather bittersweet.

I can totally see now why people do this IM thing more than once. It is magical in so many ways!

Ironman Coeur d'Alene 2010 Race Report: Race Day!!

I woke up at 4:00 A.M. My mom was already up brewing the coffee...bless her. I was not ready to get up, I actually slept great, contrary to popular opinion.

I drank a mug of coffee, had some hot cereal and milk...I calculated my breakfast at around 600 calories. I really wanted to make sure I got it in. Sipped Infinit through the morning.

Our minivan was full with my firstborn, parents, brothers, Eric and myself. Eric's parents kept the other kids in their RV for the night which was closer to the race. When we all get together, it's hilarious, so I listened to the banter and laughed a lot on the way to the race.

Eric dropped all of us off while he went to find a parking spot. I got body marked, piled my bike with nutrition, dropped off Special Needs bags, stood in the potty line, watched the pro start, donned the wetsuit. I wanted to get in the water for a bit of a warm up. I had done a short swim in Hayden Lake earlier, but had not yet stepped foot in Cd'A Lake. It was a beautiful clear morning, water was pretty calm compared to what I had heard about previous years...learned later that the temperature was only 51 degrees...10 degrees colder than my home reservoir. I got in, did a little out and back and kind of freaked out...just a little one. I came back to my family and told them I was going to hang back and take the swim slow.

The Swim

I realized that if I went to the outside, I would be swimming a lot farther than necessary, so I found a spot smack dab in the middle. Everyone else around me looked just as freaked as me, so I figured I was in a good place. We nervously chatted and laughed. I suggested we all make a pact to be gentle and not swim over one another. The girl behind me was totally good with that, she said, as long as she could draft off me...totally fine!

The cannon went off and immediately the calm came. I walked to the water, saw an opening and started swimming. I took it easy...couldn't really go crazy...we were all touching. I swam much of the first length with my head up. There was a lot of contact but nothing scary or damaging. My breathing was under control, I tried to sight, but it didn't really matter...I was just being carried along. We all converged on the red turn buoy and everything came to screaming halt. Basically everyone showed up at the same location, at the same time, and all many of us could do was tread water and be carried along. It was interesting, but I kept my wits about me.

The return to the shore was rather uneventful...still lots of contact, but it started to become fun. I exited the water, heard 36 minutes...better than I expected. We were corralled on the sand, to the next lap. I commented to a guy next to me that I didn't want to do that again (as far as the craziness), so I took it wide and swam on the outside the next lap. I think I went too far out, because it took some time to make it back to the turn buoy. Anyways, I took it tighter on the turn and last stretch in for the finish.

T1:

Exited the water, felt a little woozy from the water. Went to the wetsuit strippers, had it peeled off in no time, grabbed swim to bike bag, went to change tent. I took everything intentionally, didn't really race through. I knew I had a long day ahead of me and the last thing I wanted was to forget something essential. I nibbled a Power Bar while my volunteer helped me get everything on. I wore my bike shorts and a tri top and sports bra under my wetsuit. I meant to take off the tri top, but learned later, that I forgot. I donned my Blue Sky bike jersey, put on my socks and shoes, found my Garmin but forgot my chest strap. So much for knowing my heart rate. Oh well. I kind of expected something like that to happen. Got sunscreen on, drank a cup of water, grabbed my bike and got going.

I saw my family right away and made sure to smile lots through town. I felt good, kept my HR under control, went out for the first dog leg. My nutrition goals were to drink Infinit every 15 minutes, consuming one bottle per hour; eat a banana when I could get it in; PBJ at mile 60 or so; Powergel at 20, 40, 60, 80, 100; and lots of water. I felt great, just took it easy on the hills. My coach said I could ride in zone 3 and power up the hills into zone 4. I KNOW I wasn't in zone 3 very much. I think I mostly rode in zones 1 and 2. For my first IM...I really wanted to finish up strong. I didn't want to leave it all on the bike and "make it" through the run. So, I held back on the bike...probably too much...but it's my least confident sport...so, you know.

The course was very hilly and it started to get hot. I just spun up the hills and tried to aero as much as possible on the downhill sections. It was rather tricky because of the bends and hairpin turns, where, for me, it's not safe to ride aero. I did the best I could while being careful. Everyone around me was cautious, too, so that made it easier.

I tried to be diligent about my nutrition, knowing this could make or break a day. I had to stop and go potty about 4 times, took off my tri top, stopped at special needs to reload my bottles, chain fell off around mile 40, made sure to be courteous and kind to the volunteers, and did my best to set myself up for a good run...that being my main goal.

Another main goal of mine was to not allow any self-defeating talk, the bike being the main place for this in my training. Whenever I started to "go there", I started thinking of my verse ("I can do all things through him who gives me strength"), or I ate something, or said an encouraging word to a passerby. I did my best to keep a smile plastered on my face at ALL times!

I got passed A LOT on the bike...had no idea about time because my GPS was turned off and I just didn't really want to know. I knew it was going to be longer than 7 hours, which I was really hoping for sub 7, but whatever. At this point, those ideas don't stick.

T2:

Finished the bike with a smile and a joke with my bike catcher. Grabbed what I needed from my bike (my trusty salt tabs and Advil), and headed to T2. The first few steps were interesting, but I had been warned about that. I knew my legs would come back. Changed my shorts, put on a skirt and cute pink top, added a hat, found my chest strap (in the wrong bag), put on my socks and shoes, reloaded the sunscreen, ate a gel, had water, went potty, and I was off.


The Run:

I saw my family again right away (wonderful!), gave my eldest a hug, lots of smiles. My legs felt great! My coach was adamant about staying in low-mid zone 2, so I just got my legs moving and kept it low. I don't think I could have done much more than that anyway, to be honest. My feet were present, which was a surprise. My nutrition goal here was to eat a Powergel every 4 miles, drink coke/gatorade at every other mile. I knew that all I had to do now was take it one mile at a time. I just ran from one food station to the next. I walked each aid station, haven't mastered the running and eating thing. I started with coke and it made me have stomach cramps, so I stuck to Gatorade and took in some chicken broth later.

The first 13 miles was pretty uneventful. There's a nice hill at the turnaround that I walked part of, then realized I had enough juice to run. I kept my pace even, tried to spot people I knew, encouraged where I could, smiled lots, said "thank you". I just ticked the miles off. I had no idea of time, so I went on HR and feel.

I saw my family around mile 14 and Eric ran with me for a bit. He said I had a strong swim, lost about 400 places on the bike and had already made them up on the run. He said to keep running because I could pick off a ton of people, who were just walking. I guess I really did pick it up, because apparently miles 14-21 I ran a little over a 9 minute mile. Amazing! At this point I started counting the people I was passing. I counted 150 between 14 and 24 or so. That was a good feeling. I stuck to my nutrition, did the hill, walked the stations and knew it was in the bag, while being respectful and knowing anything could change.

I started to get teary eyed around mile 24, chatted with a guy from Canada for mile 25, at mile 26 I made the turn, saw the downhill, the lights, the crowds, heard the voices and the cheering and knew I had it! I was an IRONMAN! I saw my family...smiled, cheered, raised my hands and finished strong!

Received a medal, tee shirt and hat! What an incredible day!


Total Time: 13:36
Overall Place: 1236/2090 (?)
Swim: 1:23
T1: 11:57
Bike: 7:11, 15.6 mph
T2: 9:19
Run: 4:34, 10:28/mile

Ironman Coeur d'Alene 2010 Race Report: Pre Race

We arrived into Spokane Airport on Thursday, June 24th. All of a sudden, it hit me. This was real. I was going to be doing an Ironman, didn't quite believe yet, that I would become one. Our flight was uneventful. I sat next to a man from Houston who was doing his second, his first being Brazil. He was very nervous (I was not nervous at all compared to this guy)...he had expectations...to break 11 hours. We talked the whole flight, he gave me tips, we chatted about our triathlon history. He was debating whether or not to do another IM that opened up in his community or the Boston Marathon. Since he already qualified, I told him to do that...it's so wonderful.

We managed to get to Hayden, ID pretty quick after the airport. No big deal. We were all starving, but knew we needed groceries, so did that.

Eric's parents met us at the house with my firstborn. It was great to see them, but again, starving and nervous. Not a great combination.

Our house was on Hayden Lake, 83 steps from the water. We were tucked away in a cove with all kinds of wildlife and greenery. It was remarkable. The beauty and landscape in the Northwest is so different than Colorado.

My parents arrived from California late that night. It was wonderful to see them and know that they were there for me.

My brothers, Trevor and Jeremy, came in from Chicago and California the next morning.

Friday, Eric and I arrived at Race Headquarters in Cd'A to pick up my race packet, get my transition bags, purchase some souvenirs and get last minute items. I wasn't too intimidated by what I saw, but I did sense the weight of what I had trained for and what I would be doing in two days. Went to a pre-race mandatory meeting that was unnecessary...arrived on time, but they started the meeting 20 minutes early. Oh well...I wasn't gonna win, just follow the people in front, I guess, and review my information.

We returned to the house to see my brothers. The house could not have been more perfect. It turned out to be my refuge, my place of reflection and rest in the midst of what what swirling all around and inside me. We went out on the boat, went fishing, watched the kids swim, ate dinner altogether. I was nervous, but everything else provided a great distraction and reminder of the important things in life.

Saturday, we returned to Cd'A to turn in my bike and transition bags. I love this because it provides so much less to do on race morning, when the brain leaves the body.

My dear friend, AC, showed up Saturday night from home. I told her she didn't need to come, but she insisted because no one else she knows has done anything this big...it was important to her. What a great friend. I am blessed.

I was very pensive on Saturday. Fear of the unknown, I suppose. I asked my brother what his take was on "nerves", since he's a musician, composer and performer. He said that they indicate he's alive, that he's doing something worthwhile with his life...as opposed to anxiety that has nothing to attach to, it's just a meaningless fear with no true root or anchor. I loved that...his insight provided great comfort for me. I spent some time in prayer, being grateful, seeking, praying that my day would be about glorifying God, about being reminded of his faithfulness. My training would have been impossible without him.

I went to bed at 10:00..a decent hour. Fell asleep rather quickly. Everything was in it's place...all I had to do in the morning was drink coffee; eat my hot cereal, peanut butter, banana and milk; pray for a poop and do it; get dressed; grab my gear and go.