Shifting

My week #17 (out of 39ish) has wrapped up nicely. My body, though, is calling loudly for a stabilizer week. Thankfully that's what is in store. All I have left is a short run and swim, that will hopefully get done in San Diego. Eric and I are flying there tonight, and it looks like I will get to run with my brother in the morning. Nothing like running with one of my favorite people near the ocean.

This week has been interesting, but in challenging myself to allow God "to make my paths straight", it has worked out far better than it would have had I tried to control everything. Eric told me on Monday that he was going to Brazil on Tuesday until Friday (today). His parents planned to come up to watch the kids and they wound up coming a day early because of the weather. So, I had plenty of help with the kids and managed to get all of the workouts in that I would have done with Eric home.

I had some moments this week where I had to really work hard to get out the door (or into the basement). I am noticing that the choices are not coming as easy as they did before. I make myself go and I feel fine, but it's a struggle quieting the voices that tell me to "forgetaboutit". Again, thankfully a stabilizer is on the menu for week #18.

I am sensing a shift in my training and focus. I remember this time last year in training for the half ironman. There comes a moment (or moments) where I discover that the workouts are really requiring intentionality, discipline and focus. Not that I didn't have this focus before, it just seems now that the stakes are getting higher. I am appreciating this shift, because my life has become simpler in a sense. Yes, there's a lot more planning with workouts and such, but I'm finding that I say "no". I still feel kind of bad, like I should do more, but I can't right now...it's only 5 months. It's like when your blood goes to the core, because of injury, shock, whatever. I feel that's what I'm doing...going internal...focusing on the things of greatest import...my family, my faith, my marriage, my relationships, my workouts.

I continue to feel blessed and grateful. I am staying focused and keeping my head down...getting 'er done.

Week #16 thoughts

I am experiencing much gratitude over a great week of training. The schedule, my body, the kids, everything worked out very well and I am learning that my response needs to be one of pure gratitude, so as not to feel entitled going into the week ahead. Cross off week #16. I managed a 50 mile bike ride yesterday...thought the weather was good enough to at least start outside, just to say I did. Well, I did get through half before coming home and finishing the rest on my trainer to Grey's Anatomy. I am so glad I have this option. The outside temperature was manageable, but the wind kind of freaked me out. I kept having to turn around and change direction because the wind kept shifting. Oh well. I am happy I did what I did.

Here's the rundown of my week #16:

Monday: 6.5 mile run in Grand Lake
Tuesday: 80 minute ride (basement)/1800 yard tempo swim
Wednesday: 8 mile run with great conversation
Thursday: 100 minute tempo ride (basement)
Friday: 2200 swim
Saturday: 50 mile ride (half in half out)

For some reason this week I've become more attuned to the things that run through my brain, the conversation I have with myself. I am taking stock and I must say a solid majority of it is negative. What's up with that? Don't I deserve to give myself some credit? Much of it is regarding comparing myself with others, things I'm thinking Eric's thinking (which he's not by the way), things I "should" do (versus want to do), ways in which this IM thing is really selfish, etc. You get the picture. I finally had to stop myself and remember the verse that Paul wrote somewhere in the New Testament, "Finally brothers, whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy, think about such things". That pretty much nails it for me. I need to extend myself some grace and remember how I am loved and how much God wants to give me good things. It's hard to accept, especially in light of the devastation in Haiti. I am not sure yet how to reconcile all of that yet, but I do know that God is providing and is good always.

Week #17 is my run heavy week. So far it's looking good. Eric and I are headed to San Diego for the weekend to see family and our friend in prison. That's always an eye opening and humbling experience. Man! I will try to get the bulk of everything done before we leave.

Moving On

What week am I on? Week 16 already? I made it through Week 15, definitely not on my own strength. I got it all in...even with the bumpy start. It is so good to be moving on.

We had a wonderful weekend...went to Grand Lake with friends and skiied on Saturday. Skiing is a struggle for me. We're not quite there as a family. Andrew was done with ski school an hour and a half in. Nothing like forking out $100 for misery. Anyways, my ski game is a struggle because I'm so fearful it will affect or hurt my training (think injury). I hope it's something we can do as altogether someday, but it's tough right now. I just have to keep in mind that my goal and priority in my exercise realm is Ironman.

I ran 6 miles while in Grand Lake. I love running because of where it takes me physically and mentally. It is so refreshing to be out there just enjoying the beauty, alone with my thoughts (or lack thereof). It is a great break for me.

I had a nice conversation with my coach regarding my feelings last week. He said many experience difficulty during stabilizer weeks...maybe it is that break our bodies need, so it manifests in emotional ways also. Who knows. It's just good to know I'm not alone. I am still not sure if I'm embracing this IM...the only thing I need to think about is today. I rode on my trainer this morning while cringing at The Bachelor and hopefully will convince Andrew of the joys of going to childcare, so I can swim at the Rec. Center. We'll see.

Pendulum swings

I am doing much better today. I really shouldn't be surprised by how the pendulum swings...some days I feel unstoppable, on top of the world, and the next low, unworthy, down in the dumps. I had a wonderful run this morning after my prayer time. The shuffled ipod picked up the songs I needed to hear, to remind of God's goodness and faithfulness.

My poor dog has had a number of lumps and one is malignant. Thankfully we just found out that it has not spread to her lungs and she has surgery scheduled for Tuesday of next week. It's funny how these things we don't think bother us really do.

I am prayerful for the Haitian people and hopeful that they will find relief in the midst of this suffering. I am reminded of my need to be very grateful for all I have.

We have finalized plans for Coeur d Alene..a house on a lake, with a dock! Wow...lucky me. It looks like we should have a houseful of wonderful family and friends.

I am back on the path of entrusting each and every day and workout to God...I have no idea how I'm going to do this, but I need not fear. I was clawing for control and that never gets me anywhere good...for sure!!

Up a creek

It is just amazing to me how I can be so on top of the world...so excited for this and feel great about my accomplishments, then Monday comes around and I feel like I've taken a nosedive. Thankfully I am in a stabilizer week, but man, I cannot rally. Every workout is a huge effort and I don't know what to do about it. I suppose my mind and body need a break. I suppose they are trying to tell me something. It's tricky since I've never done this before. I want to listen to my body and give it the rest it needs, but I also want to persist.

I am hoping that a good solid night of rest will be the solution for what ails me. Otherwise I'm up a creek.

Full of Gratitude

This weekend I am filled with gratitude. Our pastor, a couple weeks ago, shared about how we receive tiny glimpses in our lives of what eternity with Christ will be. I feel like this is one of those times. Everyone's happy, everyone's healthy, we are being kind and gracious to one another. Usually my weekends are pretty tough, for this or that reason...but this one is good.

I am so grateful for how wonderfully this week of training has gone. I was anxious when Winter Break began because the kids were home. I had no idea how I would fit in workouts. It has been amazing. This week I completed everything with time to spare. Today I am taking completely off, preparing for stabilizer next week. I guess I am once again humbled. How incredibly that God provides for me, cares for me, knows me, and desires to give me good things. I am one of those people who can really downplay my blessings. I can often justify why I don't deserve whatever I've been given. I have been really working on keeping my eyes open..not just to the needs around me but also to the reasons why I am thankful.

We are in the process of finding lodging for the Ironman. Wow! Only 5 months to go...it's becoming more real. I still have to be careful how far down the road I look...I get frightened. However, I am beginning to look forward to it and am beginning to envision myself on that day. It will be just remarkable.

So, cross off another week. Onto week #15. I can do this week, I will do this week, and I will be happy about it :) Haha....we'll see. I can never predict my silly moods.

Whatever

This week is going well so far. It's nice to have it be somewhat normal...meaning, not having to pile workouts in because of travel or Holidays. The kids are still home, but that's worked out just fine. I went for a 7.5 mile run this morning. Started out toasty warm (32 degrees), then dropped by 10 degrees during. The freezing weather is back, but only for a couple of days. It's a great day to light a candle, do some baking and prepare the kids for the return to school tomorrow.

Eric and I watched Food, Inc. the other night in my quest to get my head out of the sand. Wow! Needless to say we have really taken the information to heart and are working towards making positive food changes for the environment, people, animals and our family. We have a great responsibility, I believe.

So, with the New Year, onto a new challenge. It's good...I'm happy to do it...it's been a long time coming.

Notions

Now that the Holidays are officially over, I can now refocus on my life as I know it. To bring you all up to speed, my week #13 of training went well. The kids were out of town, so I piled a swim and three bike rides (on the trainer...25, 26, and 44 miles...in the basement...ahhhh!) into Monday through Wednesday. Eric and I drove to New Mexico via Salida (love it there) on Thursday, ran in NM on Friday for 7 miles, drove home on Saturday, and ran 5.5 at home on Sunday morning. A good week, considering the change up in routine. I have a little swim left, that I am most likely going to bag.

Our half week, sans kids, was very nice. We saw a couple movies and ate out, took naps and chatted. I was able to pack away the Christmas decor...I love my house when it's back to "normal". The house stayed clean for more than an hour and we remembered why we married each other in the first place. By day 3, though, we were missing our children and realizing how much we love them. It's a good feeling to be reminded of these things :)

As mentioned in my previous post: "This next week I want to reflect on the past year and take stock. Praise myself for a job well done and be honest with myself about things that need some attention. I will be prayerfully intentional in this". It didn't really happen. Eric and I were having too much fun playing and I was working really hard on that trainer. So, the best I could come up with, while in NM was, "Train and get through this Ironman while keeping my kids alive and my marriage strong". A couple days later, as I'm struggling getting into my clothes, I've decided to refocus my eating strategy. I would love to lose a few pounds..nothing major..eat out less, eat fast food minimally, and focus on enjoying healthy, filling foods rather than stuffing my face randomly. I don't know. I hate making "goals" around food, but it just seems necessary right now. I have gotten off track and I'm trying to get back on again. I am asking a lot of my body, and the best thing (aside from rest) that I can do for this wonderful creation is feed it properly.

Week #14 is looking fine...rumors of travel for Eric loom, so my plans will need to be fluid and flexible. I will do my best and trust God to fill in those gaps. I am 1/3 the way through this thing. I must admit that on Friday, after my long run I nursed a sore knee. In that moment I let the thoughts creep in,"Why are you doing this? What do you have to prove? Maybe you should drop the whole thing". Believe me, I entertained them. I am wondering these things and there's a lot I don't know. The one thing I do know is, I will continue marching forward one day at a time, one workout at a time, trusting that at the end I will be thankful at all I have learned.