Emerging

I really like stabilizer weeks (now, not so much last time). It allows time and space for my body and mind to recover, refocus and reflect on where I've come and where I'm going. This week has been rather quiet. The workouts are mellow (or mellower), plus my daughter has been ill, so we've spent a lot of time at home. I have also experienced a very low grade stomach bug, so I am just resting and being present with her, as much as I can. Thankfully it is stabilizer, so I can do just that.

In my prayer time this morning I was reminded of my need for patience and perspective. It seems, in our culture, that these things get thrown by the wayside. However, I am finding in the Ironman journey that it's all about patience...it's going the long haul and seeing small, gradual improvements along the way. I am not talking totally about physical changes, although those are nice, but the mental and spiritual changes that will shape and move me for the rest of my life. The physical changes are evident, and I am grateful. The mental and spiritual pieces, though, are the foundation I need to live intentionally, meaningfully, purposefully, and lovingly. I used to think (until this morning, thank you God) that the Ironman was my ultimate goal, that it was what I was accomplishing. Now my belief is that it is the springboard for the rest of my life. I am changing so much as a person, a woman, a mother, wife and friend. My strengths, passions and desires are starting to emerge. I am seeing that I am more than what I do, but I am moved and shaped by God. His strength dwells in me and as long as I remain seeking, praying and growing in Him, He will do great things.

I have spent so much time trying to live the "Christian Way" (or what I've perceived it to be over the years). I am really done with it. I don't want to be demure, proper, or quiet. I want to speak my mind, to tackle goals, to live adventurously...taking risks and screwing up. I want to find what makes me alive. What is holding me down? What is keeping me from running the race that God has intended me to run? Where have I limited him, telling him he can't do that thing? Where have I put God in a box and labeled him?

I truly am amazed and impressed by how I am emerging. It is really nothing like I imagined...it is so much better. God is so good, he desires us to live fully and he wants to give us good things. I just have to remember that his ways are perfect and mine are definitely not!

Wrapping it up: Week #23

I successfully accomplished my week #23. I was thinking, going into the week, that it was going to be tough to get it all done, mainly because of my cold, but my body rallied and I finished with flying colors. I am awed by what my mind and body are achieving right now. It is rather remarkable!

My brick went very well on Saturday. I didn't start until 1:45, which is very rare for me. Usually, on the weekends (or most days), I'm taking my nap at that time. I was sooo nervous, my stomach was churning. I just had no idea what to expect with the new bike, attempting a ride I've never done before, and by myself. I hopped on my new ride and took off. Getting into the aero position was new for me, but all in all it felt so good, effortless really. I did get sore in places that I haven't known and new muscles were being taxed, due to the position change, but I was pleasantly surprised. I rode the Carter Lake Loop, for 46 miles, all by myself...amazing. Once I got to the lake, I had a moment and realized that I am the person, doing the things I always wanted to do. Wow. I cannot believe this is me. Just incredible!

When I started the run, I was a bit skeptical if I could do it all (10 miles), but I started in a nice zone 2 clip. After the warm up, I managed 3 zone 3 repeats, with a 2 minute walking break after each. It felt actually really good and did it in an overall pace of 9:20...good for me, especially after all I did before that. So, again, surprising myself seems to be the order of the day. I'll take it!

Stabilizer week coming up!

Eating Crow

I am working through something in my head this morning. I am not sure how to tactfully say it, so I will just say what's on my mind. I have a confession to make. Before training for this Ironman and realizing the commitment to get in workouts, make sacrifices, and push myself farther physically than I ever have, I was very judgmental. I used to hear about what people did in their workouts and be kind of snotty about it. I'm not sure where the reaction came from, if it was envy, or admiration, or just not understanding. Isn't that where our judgment lies? Not understanding? So, I apologize to all of you out there who have been on the passive receiving end of my judgment. Please forgive me.

It is rather interesting, now that I'm on this side of things. I understand the perceptions of others, since I've been there, certainly. But, it doesn't feel very good. It's not the random comment that bothers me, like, "You're crazy", but the quiet questioning. I may be reading into things more than I should, that's my way, so I am extending the benefit of the doubt. I am just glad that I have become aware, so I can check myself, when that little monster rears it's ugly head again, because it always does. I'm at the point now where I want to be proud and act like it, rather than sheepish and apologetic regarding my Ironman goal. I have no idea where I get this, but I am tired of it.

On another note, I received my bike this week and haven't had a chance to ride it. I must admit that I'm nervous thinking about it. What if it doesn't like me? I will get the chance this afternoon. I am putting off my brick (47 mi bike/10 mi run) until after my oldest's basketball game today. I wanted to see him play and more importantly wanted the insurance of support if something bad happens. Now I know Eric will be close by if there's a technical difficulty (not that I can't change my own tire or anything). So, my afternoon and evening will be spent outside on this beautiful, gorgeous, Colorado day...guess I can't ask for a better time. Well, maybe the beach in Hawaii...but that's not happening.

Thank you all for reading and accepting my apology. This training thing is really opening my eyes to a lot! And it's not always a pretty sight.

Rambling

Back to work this week. We had a great time in New Mexico. I managed to contract my child's cold, so it worked out perfectly to be sick at Grandma and Grandpa's. I wasn't really required to do anything other than lay on the couch and read. I did get in an 8.5 miler and a 5.5 miler while there, sandwiched around the nasty cold day.

My week so far is pretty easy. I've frontloaded my easy workouts just to let my body heal. This morning I did a 70 minute ride to Grey's Anatomy and swam easy while Andrew had his swim lesson...worked out to 1000 yards straight through. Sometimes those swims are nice, just to let me feel the water and relax.

The next two days won't be such a cakewalk, though. An 11.5 mile run (with 2 zone 4 repeats...ahhh) for tomorrow with a tempo swim, followed by a 36 mile tempo ride Thursday are on the docket. I'll get through them and be so happy. I get my bike tomorrow. Hopefully I can get on it sometime this week, the weather isn't supposed to be the greatest, though.

So, a bit of mindless rambling for this Tuesday. It's all good!

So Happy

So....I deserve a big, monstrous, round of applause...I changed my own tire on the road!! Yes, me! And, I didn't get mad or throw things or even cry. I very matter of factly took my tire off (rear tire, too. I know, wow!) pulled out the supplies and got to work. I am so incredibly proud of myself. And, to congratulate, I cut my ride short by 7 miles. I know I deserve more..I'll crack out the coffee here in a minute. I am so satisfied.

The day didn't start out this great though. We are heading out of town, to Angel Fire, to ski and see family. Mornings for this "non-packing mom" really suck for my kids. I called them pigs (because they leave their stuff everywhere) and wasn't very nice. Guess I have some making up to do.

On another note, my Week #22 is wrapping up very well. I just love my new mind set and it has really played out in my workouts this week. Today was supposed to be a 35 mile tempo ride, but cut it to 28 miles. I was not just proud of myself for the tire change but for even going outside. Even now, it's only 40 degrees, and the wind picked up nicely as I was headed east...brrrr. I decided a nice warm shower, blog and lunch was deserved by me. My final workout will be tomorrow in the mountains..an 8.5 tempo run. I do love to run there and I work really hard since we're at a higher altitude. I should have no problem achieving my 2 x 1.5 mile zone 4 repeats, but I probably won't feel too great about them. Oh well.

So, the run down for the week was:

1000 tempo swim (supposed to 1750, but child was in other pool for swim lessons and I couldn't finish)
28 mile ride (in basement)
11 mile run
65 mile long ride (supposed to have a 3 mile run after, but didn't)
2150 swim (completed creatively)
28 mile tempo ride (supposed to be 35)
8.5 mile tempo run

As you can see...a very full week, but a good week. I gave it my best effort and am looking forward to a little time on the slopes, very patiently helping my children ski (not gonna happen), or maybe I'll just stay home and read. Whatever happens, I am ready for week #23.

65 mile ride/3 mile run (NOT!)

Today was a momentous occasion for me..it marked the first real ride of the season outside, and it was 65 miles. Man, I'm tired. I was supposed to run afterwards and just didn't have it..I started to run and managed 1/2 mile, then turned around and went home. I feel super slow right now, and sore. You just don't use the same muscles in the basement as you do on the road. The day was lovely and I am soooo ready for a nap, but, alas..time to get the kids from school and start the second half of the day. I guess this stuff is what makes me an Ironman. Not the workouts as much as it is fitting them in, doing them, then realizing the world doesn't revolve around me and laundry/dinner/basketball practice/school pickup all still happens. It's all good. One thing we can all count on is that I will sleep AWESOME tonight!

Blah blah blahty blah

Training is progressing nicely this week, although it's only Tuesday morning. I had an 11 mile run yesterday with 4 x 1 mile zone 3 repeats. My times didn't really come down from three weeks ago, but I can certainly say I held steady. The rest of the run went well aside from lots and lots of mud and a malfunctioning ipod. Oh well. I figure any adversity is good, knowing that I will face lots during the Ironman.

This morning I watched the final Bachelor episode while riding on the trainer for 98 minutes. It was fine..neither was very exciting. Later today I will do a 1750 swim (hopefully) while Andrew has his swim lesson.

Tomorrow is my long ride..66 miles plus a 3 mile run. The weather really seems to be cooperating...should hit the 60s by tomorrow, which means I may be able to do much of the ride outdoors. I have to admit it scares me a little to ride outside, but once I get going it will be great.

So, all in all, I've embraced the week...getting things done. We are heading down to Angel Fire on Friday afternoon so I'm packing everything I can before we leave. Not much to report. Grateful for my new mindset and focus.