Emerging

I really like stabilizer weeks (now, not so much last time). It allows time and space for my body and mind to recover, refocus and reflect on where I've come and where I'm going. This week has been rather quiet. The workouts are mellow (or mellower), plus my daughter has been ill, so we've spent a lot of time at home. I have also experienced a very low grade stomach bug, so I am just resting and being present with her, as much as I can. Thankfully it is stabilizer, so I can do just that.

In my prayer time this morning I was reminded of my need for patience and perspective. It seems, in our culture, that these things get thrown by the wayside. However, I am finding in the Ironman journey that it's all about patience...it's going the long haul and seeing small, gradual improvements along the way. I am not talking totally about physical changes, although those are nice, but the mental and spiritual changes that will shape and move me for the rest of my life. The physical changes are evident, and I am grateful. The mental and spiritual pieces, though, are the foundation I need to live intentionally, meaningfully, purposefully, and lovingly. I used to think (until this morning, thank you God) that the Ironman was my ultimate goal, that it was what I was accomplishing. Now my belief is that it is the springboard for the rest of my life. I am changing so much as a person, a woman, a mother, wife and friend. My strengths, passions and desires are starting to emerge. I am seeing that I am more than what I do, but I am moved and shaped by God. His strength dwells in me and as long as I remain seeking, praying and growing in Him, He will do great things.

I have spent so much time trying to live the "Christian Way" (or what I've perceived it to be over the years). I am really done with it. I don't want to be demure, proper, or quiet. I want to speak my mind, to tackle goals, to live adventurously...taking risks and screwing up. I want to find what makes me alive. What is holding me down? What is keeping me from running the race that God has intended me to run? Where have I limited him, telling him he can't do that thing? Where have I put God in a box and labeled him?

I truly am amazed and impressed by how I am emerging. It is really nothing like I imagined...it is so much better. God is so good, he desires us to live fully and he wants to give us good things. I just have to remember that his ways are perfect and mine are definitely not!