Being a Mom and Training for an Ironman

I am doing some processing today, which won't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. Today I had to make a choice regarding running and attending my daughter's Valentine's Day Party. Before I go into the ramblings, I want to set the backdrop. So, Eric's still out of town and I've managed to get all but the run and long bike ride in for the week...a true miracle..thank you God. My youngest is in preschool only 3 mornings a week, so this is solid time to train for me. Today, though, being the Friday before the "holiday", Claire's class had their party scheduled for 11:00. In addition, I had to help in Brooks's class from 9:15 to 10:05. Ordinarily, I would have busted the run out in the morning, but with Eric gone...not possible (although tempting).

So, this left me in a bit of a quandary. Claire was fine with my decision to run, and I dislike class parties, but I still felt that nagging sense of guilt (hate that word). I did do my 7.5 mile run and it was fabulous, by the way. One of those runs that reminds me of why I run.

I guess my processing involves a few questions that I have: How much time do our kids need from us? I am with them all the time when they're not in school, aside from occasional events. (Side note: I am very grateful for this!) Also, at what point should a Mom feel "guilty" for being away? What if I was getting paid to work for the same amount of time it takes me to train? Why is it OK for Dads to work full time, then have their activities, while as Moms we feel bad for doing something for us...even if that thing we do for us means we can be better for our families?

I understand the importance of being the "go-to" person...I get that and I have no problem with that. I understand the need for balance...but the scales often seem tipped in the direction of the kids. Also, this IM that I'm training for, it's just 4.5 more months. Will I do that much damage in 4.5 months?

I hope I don't seem like I'm whining at you. It is certainly not my intention. This is what perpetually goes through my head as a mother. If it wasn't IM training, it would be something else. I love my kids...I really do, but I certainly need time and goals aside from them. And I don't think kids should be put on such a pedestal. I think they need to understand that they are loved and cherished, but do they come first? Is that healthy? Can they understand the magnitude of that?

Heavy stuff for a Friday. On to get the little man from school and his buddy. Should be a fun afternoon...now that my run is over.