A Decade of Mothering

Well, today marks a huge milestone - my oldest child, Brooks, turns 10. Ten years as a mother...a decade!! I would like to say these have been the best years of my life. In some respects I will say they have been, but in others, the hardest and most painful. My new saying (that I try not to say too often, especially to new parents) is, "Aside from the death of my mother, these have been the hardest years of my life". I also would like to say that I love being a mom and it's the most fulfilling job I will ever have (may be true in the long run, but short term not always so). Before I had children I had many notions of the kind of mother I would be...particularly a "sandbox" mom...where I would be in the thick of it with my childrens' games and imaginations. Not so much! In fact, the idea puts me into a cold sweat.

Here are a few things I have learned over the past 10 years:

• I am not as patient as I thought I was.
• I have learned to have very low expectations so that I am often pleasantly surprised.
• I am capable of great love and sacrifice.
• I am capable of saying words I never thought would come out of my mouth.
• I am capable of "speaking" (screaming) in a way that is loud, evil, and causes my throat pain (think Satan).
• I am capable of incredible levels of both fear and worry.
• I have learned, through being a mother, how fiercely God loves, protects, and forgives me.
• I have learned that when my gut is telling me not to do (or say) something, I should probably listen, although rarely do.
• I have learned that giving unconditionally to my kids will not fulfill me. Sometimes they come first and sometimes I do. I absolutely need goals and things to look forward to beyond myself (hence triathlons) that involve my strengths, desires, and passions.
• I have learned that there is a season for everything...some are longer than others.
• I have learned that my children love me deeply and desire to forgive me when I screw up. They are constantly demonstrating grace to me.
• I have learned that God gives us more than we can handle so we rely upon him.
• I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my marriage deserves MORE intentionality than my children do over the course of time. Eric's and my love, respect, and commitment for one another is the best gift (along with our faith) we can give to our kids.
• I have learned the importance of living a life of authenticity. As mothers and women, we do way too much comparing, to the detriment of our relationships. We will do each other all a favor if we can just be honest about how hard this job is.

I hope I do not sound "down" on motherhood. I am not. It has been the single greatest tool God has used to teach me about my "brokenness" as a human being and the harm I am capable of inflicting on those I love the most. I am constantly humbled by these truths.

With all that said, I love the life I lead. I love my role and responsibility as a mother. I know myself better. I know my heart, my mind, and the gifts I give to my children of a listening ear; a hearty hug; a goofy song (generally about poop and farts); a date night with my husband; a game of Monopoly, Candy Land, etc...; a truthful word; a surprise gift; a conversation in the hot tub; a bike ride; a cuddle on the couch; a story in bed...

I have been reading in Ecclesiastes these past few mornings. It says, "A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment." (Ecclesiastes 2:24-25). This reminds me to trust and surrender my days to Him, to rely upon Him for the strength I need and know He is working in and through me for His good purposes....always.

So, on to the next decade of mothering...I'm sure I'll have a lot of different things to say when I'm dealing with teenagers and college students. I'll settle in here for awhile and not get ahead of myself.