Feeling

Now that I'm nearly two weeks out from my Ironman, I want to return and let you all know what's going on in my mind and body. It has been a smooth recovery...nothing notable to report, other than incredible soreness after painting one day. What? Wasn't expecting it, but clearly my body is dealing with more than I'm willing to give it credit for. Actually, that's not true. I am incredibly grateful for what my body has done for me in recent weeks and months.

So, in my attempt to make good on some promises...I have painted two out of three of my kids' rooms. I've been telling them for 9 months that I would get to it, now I finally am and they are so grateful. Blue for Claire, green for Andrew, and grey for Brooks (next week).

Painting for two days straight has given me lots of time and opportunity to think about the Ironman and consider what is next. It's an interesting thing, processing something so huge. Here you have a year (since sign up) of wondering, worrying, processing, training, eating, learning, growing, transforming...then it's over, done, finished. I know it is a jumping off point, but still, it's difficult. I was warned and I knew it would happen, but it is still important to feel and process what is moving through my mind. I'm not attaching much value to my feelings, I just want to roll with them and discern the ones that need more time and attention. This is new for me. I used to put so much stock into my feelings and worry about my reactions. I now know it's normal, natural and part of the process.

I have also had to grieve some. Returning from Idaho has been like coming home from camp. I so wanted to come home, but part of my heart has stayed on Hayden Lake...the location, the experience, the time with my family. A little piece of me is still there and will stay. It was a miraculous time, filled with laughter, good conversation, time together, and an Ironman. What a gift. I know I will never re-create this...not that I won't set goals, maybe even do another, but there's nothing like the first. I am so grateful to the people who told me to smile and enjoy for it will go too fast. At mile 20 of the marathon, or 60 of the ride I didn't think that....but I do now.

So, what to do with these feelings? How do I move forward? Well, I still have two days before I will make race plans...I am requiring two weeks of myself. I do have some ideas, however, that will be revealed at a later date. Also, I did my IM early in the summer so I wouldn't have to be racing/training while the kids are home...so, again, sticking to my promises...I will begin by going on a raft trip. We are taking off this afternoon for 4 nights (3 on the river). I think it will be fun, but I know there will be moments where I will wish for my own bed and fridge. Oh well. One thing Ironman has given me is perspective. Sleeping three nights on the ground in God's beautiful country is certainly no biggie! I am looking forward to uninterrupted time with my kids and husband, floating on the river, hearing their banter, sleeping under the stars.

I feel so blessed. I feel powerful, alive and optimistic. I feel hopeful, peaceful and joyful. I feel excited, adventurous, and a little bit scared. I feel grateful. I feel loved. I feel cherished. I feel alive!